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Replica Stonehenge to be built using ‘authentic Welsh slaves’.
A local religious group, the Druids of Harold, have embarked on a project to bring some mystical culture to the village with a life-sized replica of Stonehenge. The replica will be made with the same...
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Gove to replace GCSE exams with Cowell inspired X-Levels
Amanda will bite your arse! A leaked Government paper has revealed that Education Secretary, Michael Gove, is planning to shake up the examination system with the introduction of new X Levels, based...
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Britain in post-Cowell era, says former archbishop as X-Factor musical closes
No good ever comes from titles that end in exclamation marks. Apart from Westward Ho! We love it there. The former archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, has told the Evening Harold that Britain is...
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Desperate X-Factor lowers age limit to 3
If you want to succeed in showbiz, kid, you’ll need a whole new image. That Daily Mail sidebar of shame doesn’t fill itself. Simon Cowell has defended lowering the X-Factor’s age limit to toddlers,...
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Judge in Pistorius trial eyes up Dermot O’Leary’s ‘result delivery length’...
Judge Masipa, the Judge delivering her verdict in the Oscar Pistorius murder trail has stated she may take two days to sum up the case and deliver the verdict, beating the current result delivery...
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Simon Cowell rejects devolved ‘moron votes for moron-only issues’ system
Pop mogul Simon Cowell has rejected calls to change the voting system for the X-Factor. Under the changes, that will see voting devolved based on intellectual groups, only morons will be able to vote...
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Animators strike puts X-Factor in doubt: now who will operate Cheryl’s face?
Pre-animation: Simon, Cheryl, Mel and Louis This weekend’s X-Factor hangs in the balance due to a lack of animators to bring life to Simon Cowell’s and Cheryl’s botox numbed faces. Normally carried out...
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Dermot O’Leary: ‘My Lego Man shame’
O’Leary: blandness can be hard to notice. X-Factor presenter Dermot O’Leary has admitted he is entirely made from Lego. Persistent rumours on social media have hinted that O’Leary doesn’t have working...
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X Factor is fixed: winner’s name revealed ahead of live final
It’s been hyped as the biggest TV event of the year however the name of the winner of the X Factor is already known ahead of the final and it isn’t that person’s first victory. Simon Cowell wins it...
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UK despairs: X Factor will last “until 2017 and beyond”
“It will only seem like an eternity” Ending speculation that it might be rested, ITV has delivered the crushing news that X Factor will continue until hell freezes over. An ITV spokesman dismissed this...
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